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Hope vs. Expectation

Hi, this is Mouse.

As I sit here writing this post, my body is stiff and it aches. I shuffle around my condo as if I'm Igor in Dr. Frankenstein's lab ("yes, master, I mean yes, Game boy"). Clovis looks at me wondering what's different. You're probably wondering what the hell happened, I'll explain in a moment.

Do you ever hope that something would turn out a certain way, yet you know that there are certain expectations and they are more realistic? It happens with almost every scenario. In a budding relationship, you hope that it would work out with the sexy Ryan Reynolds look alike; yet deep down you expect it not to because there are red flags (he talks about his ex way too much). Or you hope a product you bought on Amazon at a cheap price would work, yet expectations for the product are low because a reviewer wrote that it's a piece of crap. Actually I've never seen anybody write crap on an Amazon review. I did see the other day someone wrote poo.

There are times that your hopes are fulfilled like when you hope to get a raise and you expect it because you managed the nerve to stroll right up to your boss and let him/her have it. Well, in a professional manner, in which you point out all that you have done. They wake up and see, "oh yeah, so and so is doing a great job. Here's your raise." Hey, it's possible.

So to go back to the beginning... I went snowboarding for the first time yesterday. I was so excited, even though at first I was nervous. Somehow I convinced myself to get excited. Then I hoped that the day was going to be filled with some cool 'shredding.' Ok, so maybe I let my imagination fly a bit there. I had hoped that it was going to go well. No, no it didn't. I was actually terrified. For some reason I don't like the feeling I've not being in control. It's one of the reasons why I don't like flying or being on a rollercoaster or having a stranger drive. I get tense. Uber drivers would always wonder why I'm not chatty with them. I felt like I was careening down Mt. Everest, when in fact it was a bunny hill. There were children flying past me and giggling. Me, I was inching ever so slightly and whimpering. You would think I was going to die. I was afraid of going too fast and hurting myself.

I don't regret going, it was an experience. I just wished I could have channeled my inner child or brought back those memories of inline skating with my punk crew from the 90s. Oh those were good times.... What happens between childhood and adulthood? You go from fearless to hoping things go well and being painfully aware that there are expectations that it won't.

Game boy was trying to convince me that there was no way that I would have broken my arm. Well, tell that to my fear, who kept screaming in my head, "you're going too fast, you're going to die!" Fear can take control and blow things out of proportion. At the end, I'm always hoping my fear doesn't get in the way, but I know what to expect.

Not all is lost, I plan on buying some inline skates and rolling around the park; to see if I can get used to speeding down a hill. It doesn't mean I'm going to be wearing my go-to 90s outfit - rock band shirt and wide leg jeans. But it does mean, I'm going to try and not give up. If anything, I'll be in great shape.

I'll leave you with some pictures from Echo Mountain in Idaho Springs, CO.


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